There’s no denying it’s beautiful here. I went for a drive along the Pacific coast with a friend in his VW Thing yesterday. The goal was to end up at a beach where they release baby turtles. We did find it and paid the 60 pesos each to help (that’s about $5). The problem was that we got there on time at 11am but found out the actual important part, the release, doesn’t happen until 5pm when the sun starts setting. In between there were lots of kid geared activities, face painting and colouring, so we wandered the beach for a bit and then headed home. No swimming on that side for me, thanks, it’s a little rough for my taste. We did see a whale breach, probably a humpback.

A good day.

There’s been rain over the last couple months so it’s really green and lush right now. When I landed I actually wondered if I was at the right airport for a minute. It’s really beautiful and I’m glad I’m here.

Today the sky was perfectly clear, not a cloud anywhere, and the water matched. Blue and smooth. We hiked to the beach and took a well deserved swim. Well, that’s loose, I usually just float and try to clear my head. There’s a cruise ship in the harbor, so that means tourists.

I’m ok, getting better.

I know it goes without saying but I miss you like crazy. Every day. I know we talked often about the future, my future without you, but nothing, no conversation ever, could have prepared me for life on my own. It’s hard and lonely and I know now what a buffer you were between me and the real world. You’d be sad to know how divided the community you worked so hard to build has become divided. I guess it’s not that big a surprise really.

You’d be happy to know that I’m better friends than ever with people I’d lost touch with, people you loved and had faith in and that felt the same way about you. You’d be really thrilled to know that your artwork hangs all over the world and is cherished by so many people. I think you’d find peace with your mother. She has been so good to me, so very loving and supportive. Saira and Michael had their baby and he’s lovely. Ari’s future looks bright.

There’s so much every day I wish I could share with you, every bit of minutia that pops into my head. Silly stuff and real things, all of it. And I have so many questions for you, about everything.

I miss you buddy. I miss your love and strength and humour and drive. You will be a part of me forever, in my heart, mind, and soul. I see you in my dreams almost every night.

Thank you for all that you gave me and happy birthday today.

A long time ago, 6 years, when I first got back together with Shannon, a lot of people weren’t terribly thrilled. My best friend at the time was particularly unhappy about it, she had been around during the first break up and she knew, deep down, that my relationship with Shannon would “end badly”. She said that out loud to my face. Such hurtful words that had haunted me since I heard them.

And how right she was, what a bad ending. Possibly the worst ending? I’m sure she’s proud, she sure told me.

She wins.

Anyway. It’s been really awful. I miss Shannon all the time, I miss his humour and love and stories about rockets and his smells. I miss his beard and his homoerotic tattoo. I miss finding beard hairs everywhere. I miss him constantly encouraging me to work hard, follow my dreams, and be strong. We are at the 8 week mark and I’m starting to heal but it ain’t easy. The apartment we shared is still full of art and all kinds of business that is just a constant reminder of him, day in, day out.

The good news is that I won’t be here forever. I’m no longer tied to this area because it’s close to the pharmacy that has his medicine. I’m no longer tied to this city because it’s where his doctors are. I can go anywhere, I can do anything, it’s a big, wide open world and it’s all mine. I don’t want to be the Yoko Ono to his John Lennon and I know that he wouldn’t have wanted that for me either.

Mostly I want to thank all the kind, generous, thoughtful, people out there. I have received so many beautiful emails, phone calls and visits from old friends and new, strangers, fans, family, artists and bodymod practitioners. And all the money donated to my paypal has gone into a trust fund for Ari, every penny. Her post secondary education is definitely covered savings are looking good. In my dreams she goes into science, researching genetic diseases, and finds a cure for all myopathies. Of course she can do whatever makes her happy, she is a Larratt, she will be successful at anything she tries. And she will be loved by everyone that comes near her, she’s a wonderful girl.

The list of individuals I need to thank publicly goes like this (and if I missed you, I apologize, my brain is still flying at half mast): mum, dad, Megan, Kathy, Devon, Ashleigh, Libs, Michelle, Saira, Michael, Kiran, Corrie, Ryan, Molly, Ryan, Amber, Marty, Ashley, Scott, Shane, Jovanka, Marc, Nicole, Gillian, Jill, Badur, Clive, Kerrick, J.J., Sheri, Jana, Jason, Chris, Dave, Therasa, Gillian, Julia, Stephanie1, Stephanie2, Abbie, Anna, Terri-Lyn, Joe, Danny, Jim, Trudy, Richard, Jill, Holly, Collen, V. The love and support, the groceries and drinks, the open ears and advice that you guys have given me is hugely appreciated. I love you all.

Be kind to each other, hug more, laugh more, take the time to visit a friend or relative that has fallen off your radar. Spread love around and stay strong.

It’s pretty obvious I adore her.

I’ll post a picture of my haircut as soon as a decent picture of me is taken (this one is about 2 months old).

Our new space is wonderful, full of natural light and I sure do like that. Still lots of room for suspensions There are issues that are taking time to get used to, the radiators are crazy loud and there is no escaping them, for instance. Our new bathroom only has a shower stall and I find it hard to navigate. There is very little in terms of storage and after years of unlimited space, that’s a funny one to suck up. I’ll also be using a laundromat for the first time in 4 years, I hope I survive.

Anyway. It was the worst move ever, in so many ways. I’m eternally grateful to our friends that helped out, especially Dave and his room mate, and Badur who always comes through. I’m also relieved that Shannon survived it all, I’d had my doubts leading up to the day but he seems so be in such better spirits lately, that’s encouraging.

When I’m feeling a little more settled, maybe in January, I’ll have an open house and invite everyone over.

Windows-good.

Of course we did do some touristy stuff, how could we not? On the Monday, my dad, sister, and I went to Canterbury for a little shopping (Marks and Spencer’s, we wish you were still in Canada!), and toured the Cathedral. It’s seemingly under constant repair but it was still very beautiful, even to an avowed atheist. While we couldn’t find the tomb of our presumed ancestor, we did find his name on the Archbishop registry.

1139, a long time ago.

Megan, my sister, and I also went up the cliffs of Dover briefly. I took this picture in St.Margaret’s Bay, where my Auntie Ann lives.

The cliffs are enormously high and have no fencing at all around them. I was literally standing less than a foot away from the edge, then I was overcome with a feeling of dread and retreated. The day we were there was so clear, we could see France very clearly.

We also paid a visit to Sandwich, a town that oozes quaintness. It’s pretty much the cutest town ever, with it’s narrow streets, river full of boats and beautiful architecture. I loved this building for it’s fantastic carvings.

And this adorable car was there. No idea what it is, if anyone can help. It’s perfect.

Of course we visited Dover Castle. Megan and I split off from the old ‘uns and did a lot of stair climbing. I love the castle, it’s very…old. I also love the tour of the underground tunnels. This is a Roman lighthouse. It’s old.

Very old.

Part 3 will be family stories.

Here is a small portion of my carry on, a patchwork zippy bag I made this morning to hold small knitting things. I’m making more necklaces, I really love how they turn out and it’s something to keep my hands busy while I’m listening to books on tape.

Anyway, I’ll write when I get home, stories and pictures.

It’s ok, I had such an amazing week so full of love and support I can’t complain. It technically started on Tuesday when I took Go to St.Catharines to hang with my super awesome parents. My mom had asked what special birthday supper I wanted and I requested bouillabaisse. I’m sure her heart sank and she yearned for the days when I asked for hotdogs. It turned out so well and I hope she feels it was worth the effort. Possibly the best meal I’ve had this year! And wine! Wine, wine, wine, so good. The next day we went shopping stateside and that’s always a treat too, despite the disappointing nail polish situation.

I worked Thursday and Friday (my actual birthday, poorly planned I guess), and Shannon took me and my boss out for sushi. That was fun, especially taking T out to celebrate. Shannon had already given me my beautiful ring, made from one of my wisdom teeth that had been extracted 12 years ago.

I love it.

Yesterday my best friend and quilting mentor, Libs, took me out for birthday pho and gave me the most beautiful gift, a quilted pillow sham.

See that? My initials? I’m here to tell you that Libs is a genius. Further proof, the card she made me. I’m definitely ripping off this alphabet for future sewing projects.

Thank you Mum and Dad, Shannon, Libs, Therasa and all the love on Facebook for making this the greatest birthday yet!

I went to a craft show last weekend and wound up walking home afterwards. It was a good walking day, cool and damp, and I popped into lots of interesting gift stores on Bloor that I’d never seen before. I was inspired by the woman running one store who admired my nails and then told me they don’t really carry baby gifts even though people ask for them. By the time I got home I’d made my mind up, to make half a dozen baby quilts to bring to her and see if she would take them on consignment. This is number 3.

The black and white gingham will be the back, the red and white spots will be binding. I need batting and a trip to my mom’s next week will hopefully take care of that.

I promise to blog more. I got a camera and I’m feeling more positive right now.