Not that it would be hard to find a regular companion here, haha. There are so many middle aged and older men that would love to have their way with me. I know it’s been written about many times before so I’m just adding to that pile (and less eloquently so) but let’s clear up some apparent misconceptions.

I get involuntarily fondled here a lot. Every day and often more than once a day. Yesterday it happened as I was waiting for fresh fruit to be cut up. A man sitting on the curb reached out and stroked my leg and asked if he could see my tattoos. Yes, I said, you can see them but you may not touch them. For real, this has to be said? Two days ago an American man did the same to my arm and then asked if I had tattoos all over, because that is his business, to know where I’m tattooed. Because I exist and he deserves to know. I am public property.

The worst happened the other evening, I’d gone to the local bar to see if anyone I knew was there and wound up standing outside chatting with the waiter. Out comes a man, he looked about 50+, balding, red face, Hawaiian shirt. He says to me in a rueful tone “god, a beautiful girl like you with those tattoos…” Message received, loud and clear, I wrecked my body for you. Oh gosh how I regret it, how I wish he’d saved me from enduring all that pain and spent a ton of money. Now I know I exist merely for his viewing pleasure. I did end up talking to him a bit, I have no pride, ok, and things went from bad to worse. He got very angry when I admitted I had no knowledge of the big fishing tournament that’s on right now. Like I give a shit about fishing. Or Sammy Hagar. Dude finally gave up and walked away, glaring at me the whole time.

TO BE CLEAR: I don’t want your revolting hands on me. I don’t give a flying fuck what your outdated and antiquated opinions on women with tattoos are. You are incredibly rude and in the future I might not be so nice about it. I haven’t decided yet if the next handsy asshole gets a slap or spat upon. I guess that’s up to my own discretion.

It’s not all bad here, of course. I have lots of friends and the city is full of interesting places to explore. I go to the beach every other day and float in the water. I’m practicing head stands because I think that’s a useful skill. I’m reading books again. It’s restful and chill and I’m feeling more like myself every day.

2 Cups oats
3/4 Cup dried, shredded coconut
1/2 Cup dried fruit (I got a packet of mixed, dried blueberries, cranberries and cherries and next time I’m using apricots)
2/3 Cup milk
2/3 Cup apple juice
2/3 Cup plain yogurt
1 granny smith apple, grated
1 Tbsp honey or agave

Mix together. Top with fresh berries. So good.

And the main reason I went to England, apart from stocking up on superior Smarties, Polo mints, and spray on deodorant, was for my cousin’s wedding. Traveling that far made me think that I needed to do something really special for a gift, and we all know that the only special thing I do is quilting. It took a while to decide on a pattern and fabrics, and a couple false starts, but here is the end result:


Bright and happy. And the back:


That is their initials I pieced into the back. The very happy couple were thrilled and I felt relieved. It’s always a joy knowing your hard work is appreciated.


Family. I wish I had way more way closer. When all is said and done, I may consider a long distance move for a couple years.

From this day forward, they will be known as Oatmeal, Coconut, White Chocolate Chip Cookies. We went with white chips because Shannon doesn’t care for normal chocolate and, really, what the heck, it’s all good. And coconut because the original batch, made with pretzels, no one noticed the pretzels, which is sort of strange because to me they were very obvious, sticking out all over the map. Like, try not to poke an eye out mid cookie.

Again, I lost the original source of these and searching foodgawker, my normal haunt, has turned up nothing familiar but there are lots of similar things, maybe same things. Maybe called Cowboy Cookies but mine are better. F’realz.

Oatmeal, Coconut, White Chocolate Chip Cookies.

1 C butter, softened
1 C dark brown sugar

Cream these guys together in a big bowl. Then beat in

1/2 C white sugar
2 eggs
1 t vanilla

In a separate bowl, toss together

1 1/2 C AP flour
1 t baking powder
1 t cinnamon
1/2 t salt
3 C oats
1 C white chocolate chips
1 C shredded coconut.

Mix the dry pile into the wet pile. Like most cookie recipes, it’s a thick batter and hard to stir. I used my hands to form balls, about ping pong size, then put them on a cookie sheet about 2 inches apart. I pressed mine down. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes, mine were perfect in 11.

Makes about 40, give or take.

Other than opening day, which was completely sold out (and I didn’t go to) this is pretty normal for the Skydome on a Friday night, at least in my experience. And I really only have myself to blame, after so many years of hating this sport. Of course now I love it, despite the fact that I have almost no understanding of the rules. Here are two issues I had last night that I had to look up and now I know:

1. RBI.
2. Designated hitter.

I understand both now, more or less, but I’m still kind of curious about the designated hitter, why don’t the Jays assign this job to someone who is a better hitter? Dude last night had 0 runs, 0 RBI.

The other thing I don’t understand that happened at a previous game is the pitcher intentionally throwing balls to walk the guy at bat. The game I saw this happen in there was already someone at first. Is the guy at bat considered good and the guy after him not so good and the pitcher is hedging his bets? I don’t remember how many outs there were at the time and that might make some difference for the answer. Sarah?

We left early because I was freezing to death with the dome wide open and because by the bottom of the seventh the score was 14-1 for the Jays and I was feeling pretty confident we would win. Final score was 14-5 which means the Mets did pull a little something out. Tough luck, Bababooey.

Earlier yesterday, I did more successful baking and here are the results. I made mini baguettes that turned out really nicely, much to my surprise. I’d made some error in the mixing part of the recipe and the dough that resulted was tough, hard as rock. I didn’t throw it out, though, just covered the bowl and went to bed, and to my great surprise it had risen by morning. Rolled it out, slashed the tops, let them rise again and baked for 16 minutes and voila. They aren’t perfect, they’re pretty dense, but they taste nice and the crust was beautiful.

I also made a no knead bread, for fun, which really does seem like magic and tastes so good, mostly because of the texture. That one is not for practical purposes but will be made for home consumption again.

I was tasked with finding a recipe for and making brioche hamburger buns and mini baguettes. Sounds easy, I guess, if you’re some kind of Buffy-Jo Bakesalot, which I’m not. Sure, I can make banana bread and cake and cookies til the cows come home but anything involving yeast? GTFO. Had to do it though, had to suck up my fears and do it.

Miracles of miracles, they came out pretty well. I mean, they taste great and the crumb is super soft and spongy and they smell like delicious. Shannon is going to eat them all before bed with jam.

Seriously, I’m pretty proud of these guys. Baguette dough? Total disaster that is getting tossed before bed. I’m also making no-knead bread (will be shaped into buns, could work!) but that’s for tomorrow. All this is everything to do with my future.

Also I made this quilt top that I love. Once it’s actually quilted? Very heavy, very metal, very much the other part of my future.

I embarrassed myself twice last night. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so quick to blush. Both happened at the movie theatre where my boss and I were to see the new Mission Impossible movie. If you were considering it, it’s pretty good. Of course all I can think about is Tom’s one giant tooth and his Xenu inspired $10million bunker he had built at his home in Telluride. Ok, so the embarrassment: the theatre was sold out and we got second row seats at the side of the theatre. No one sat in front of us until the very last minute when a couple mid twenties dudes came along and one said “I wonder why no one has sat here, what is wrong with these seats?” and I cleverly said “oh, we peed on them.” Then laughed like a maniac while dudes just stared at me and politely chuckled. Which spurred me into saying “JUST KIDDING!”.

Luckily the previews started quickly after that but I think I must have been still feeling stupid because I almost did pee on my seat I was laughing so hard at The Dictator. I re watched that preview when I got home and it wasn’t as funny the second time.

You can’t take me anywhere.

I like this recipe because it makes a reasonable amount, about three bowls. Of course if you ate it with rice you could make it go a lot further but I eat it as soup, on it’s own.

1 onion, diced
1/2 a green pepper, diced
1 carrot, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 Tbsp ginger, minced
1/2 tsp turmeric
1/2 tsp coriander
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp garam masala
1/4 tsp cayenne
1 cup red lentils
2 1/2 cups broth

Sauté the onion, green pepper and carrot in some oil for about 4 minutes. Add garlic and ginger, cook another 2 minutes and then add all the spices and cook until really fragrant, another 2 minutes. Add lentils and broth, bring to a boil, lower heat and simmer until the lentils are soft, 15 minutes. Serve with a squeeze of lemon and maybe some chopped up cilantro if you have it.

It’s warming and delicious! I think, if you’re inclined, that adding other veggies, like spinach or peas or a tin of rinsed chick peas, would be very nice too.

Has anyone even used this before? W often has interesting vegetables and herbs but they never last long.

They came out okay.

Actually, they’re really good, total hit with the fairer sex of this household. What I did differently was using margarine instead of butter and I added half a cup of raisins (and only half a cup of chocolate chips). My mistake was buying milk chocolate chips, ugh. They just taste like sweet. My cookies turned out much thicker than the recipe, but that’s ok because I like a hefty cookie.

Delicious!

(Super bonus-leftover pretzel sticks dipped in peanut butter-I call them shit sticks- are my favourite snack.)