I know I talk to you every day but today is big: it’s your 40th birthday. I wish you were here to celebrate with me. I’d have made you a cake and hugged you carefully and kissed you a lot. I’d lean in and inhale your ears and beard and feel safe and loved.
I know it goes without saying but I miss you like crazy. Every day. I know we talked often about the future, my future without you, but nothing, no conversation ever, could have prepared me for life on my own. It’s hard and lonely and I know now what a buffer you were between me and the real world. You’d be sad to know how divided the community you worked so hard to build has become divided. I guess it’s not that big a surprise really.
You’d be happy to know that I’m better friends than ever with people I’d lost touch with, people you loved and had faith in and that felt the same way about you. You’d be really thrilled to know that your artwork hangs all over the world and is cherished by so many people. I think you’d find peace with your mother. She has been so good to me, so very loving and supportive. Saira and Michael had their baby and he’s lovely. Ari’s future looks bright.
There’s so much every day I wish I could share with you, every bit of minutia that pops into my head. Silly stuff and real things, all of it. And I have so many questions for you, about everything.
I miss you buddy. I miss your love and strength and humour and drive. You will be a part of me forever, in my heart, mind, and soul. I see you in my dreams almost every night.
Thank you for all that you gave me and happy birthday today.
Beautiful post Caitin,
Hugs to you and happy birthday to Shannon.
I love you.
<3
I think of Shannon, and you Caitlin, every day. I miss him so much, and I worry about you, knowing how much this kind of sadness hurts. I think you’re kicking ass at this, C. Big hugs. Huge hugs. And Happy Birthday Shannon.
Beautiful <3
<4
Caitlin Jane – you are so precious <3
Beautiful.
This is really beautiful, Caitlin.
I just found out today that he is gone. He was and still is a Hero to me. I wanted to say to you that he helped me get past a very hard time in my life. With all the work he did and support given. Most of all understanding. What wonderful words. I wish you the best truly and honestly. KG
I think of you every day, even though we never had the opportunity to talk. Shannon and I talked a lot when I had my son and I had no idea how to be a parent. I was scared, tired, overwhelmed…and he helped me realize that it was all going to be ok. He was such an invaluable resource for me over the years from a parenting standpoint that it’s difficult to imagine I’ll be able to do this without his input.
I know he mentioned how integral of a role you played in parenting Ari, and I just hope that you still are able to keep in touch with her.
Thank you for being a part of my life even though you didn’t know you were. I am a better parent and friend because of you and Shannon. Thank you.