This is all I’m going to write about the last 2 months.
A long time ago, 6 years, when I first got back together with Shannon, a lot of people weren’t terribly thrilled. My best friend at the time was particularly unhappy about it, she had been around during the first break up and she knew, deep down, that my relationship with Shannon would “end badly”. She said that out loud to my face. Such hurtful words that had haunted me since I heard them.
And how right she was, what a bad ending. Possibly the worst ending? I’m sure she’s proud, she sure told me.
She wins.
Anyway. It’s been really awful. I miss Shannon all the time, I miss his humour and love and stories about rockets and his smells. I miss his beard and his homoerotic tattoo. I miss finding beard hairs everywhere. I miss him constantly encouraging me to work hard, follow my dreams, and be strong. We are at the 8 week mark and I’m starting to heal but it ain’t easy. The apartment we shared is still full of art and all kinds of business that is just a constant reminder of him, day in, day out.
The good news is that I won’t be here forever. I’m no longer tied to this area because it’s close to the pharmacy that has his medicine. I’m no longer tied to this city because it’s where his doctors are. I can go anywhere, I can do anything, it’s a big, wide open world and it’s all mine. I don’t want to be the Yoko Ono to his John Lennon and I know that he wouldn’t have wanted that for me either.
Mostly I want to thank all the kind, generous, thoughtful, people out there. I have received so many beautiful emails, phone calls and visits from old friends and new, strangers, fans, family, artists and bodymod practitioners. And all the money donated to my paypal has gone into a trust fund for Ari, every penny. Her post secondary education is definitely covered savings are looking good. In my dreams she goes into science, researching genetic diseases, and finds a cure for all myopathies. Of course she can do whatever makes her happy, she is a Larratt, she will be successful at anything she tries. And she will be loved by everyone that comes near her, she’s a wonderful girl.
The list of individuals I need to thank publicly goes like this (and if I missed you, I apologize, my brain is still flying at half mast): mum, dad, Megan, Kathy, Devon, Ashleigh, Libs, Michelle, Saira, Michael, Kiran, Corrie, Ryan, Molly, Ryan, Amber, Marty, Ashley, Scott, Shane, Jovanka, Marc, Nicole, Gillian, Jill, Badur, Clive, Kerrick, J.J., Sheri, Jana, Jason, Chris, Dave, Therasa, Gillian, Julia, Stephanie1, Stephanie2, Abbie, Anna, Terri-Lyn, Joe, Danny, Jim, Trudy, Richard, Jill, Holly, Collen, V. The love and support, the groceries and drinks, the open ears and advice that you guys have given me is hugely appreciated. I love you all.
Stay strong. xxx
Sending you and Ari massive amounts of love from Oklahoma <3
Wishing you good health, strength, hapiness and love.
You don’t know me, but so much love and strength to you. I wish I could say more but I don’t have any words.
What? Who would say that? What a jerk.
I miss Shannon too. I really miss his perspective.
I think about you all the time, ladyface. I don’t really feel like I can do or say much that is useful, though. I feel like a bit of a dumbass telling someone I’ve only met once that I care about them and think of them all of the time. And it feels worse to tell you about how much I miss Shannon, when clearly I don’t even know what that means compared to how much you miss him. But my thoughts are there, with you and with him. I care about you a whole lot. And when I found out you guys were back together 6 years ago, I was thrilled! So, there.
If I lived anywhere near you, we’d be having a gin together.
Hey – I’ve checked a few times to see if you’d posted an update and I’m glad to see that you have and that, all things considered, you’re doing ok. I can’t imagine going through what you have had to go through – the world is very unfair at times. I hope you continue to heal and find joy in things. If you ever visit the UK (well, London) I’d definitely be up for a gin and lots of crafty talk!
This is lovely and heartbreaking. I don’t like that Shannon isn’t with you right now. But I’m thankful you have. Even surrounded by amazing supportive people.
Your attitude is an inspiration. I found your blog through his, and I feel so lucky to know (even in a very distant way) two people as amazing as you and Shannon. I wish you all the best.
^ What Rhiannon said, word for word.
Your strength. Your devotion. Your understanding. Forgiveness, laughter, appreciation… You.
I hope every ounce of happiness comes your way, for you are so deserving. Embrace and love what stands in front of you. Smell every flower. Be proud of who you are. Your love is beautiful.
I will miss you and expect emails and photos and (short) phone dates of all the wonderful that awaits in this next chapter. So unbelievably deserving.
My love to you, Caitlin <3
Glad to see an update, I’m not the only one down here who has been thinking about you a lot.
Live strong! <3