Yes you do have my loving support.
You always have had and you always will.

The three categories in the people category of my people, places, ….., address book are family, fiends, friends.

In the great scheme of things there are a bunch of us in the same small karass = and family, fiend or friend we’re stuck with each other. Do you have any idea how crowded it can get some days on the boat. I’ve been emailling back and forth with the first big lady love of my life. She’s 32 years older than you (70) and just back from two weeks in Barbados – calls herself vicky when she posts on my site – she’s at least as nutso as you are about quilting – so here we are right now as I type – three on the boat in the sense the two of you plus me. So ….

“Forget about it!”
While you and I love Shannon maybe it’s a net benefit there only be a few. Here goes why = when I was first dating kv she volunteered that she was quite concerned that I was not taller. Back then I was 6′ 1″ but back then kv was near 6′ (a bit taller then than her brother Tom). She told me she wished I was taller and said that she would not date or ever marry someone less than 5’11″.

She knew I was a genius insofar as I had got the job in Toronto by scoring higher in a week of testing by S&K (later merged with Arthur Anderson) than the other applicants(147: but there were lots of other tests). Today I see it all as nutso – but if you remember us – back then -that was the kool-aid we were drinking.

I know Shannon’s long term memory is shot to hell but I see no evidence there is any problem with your recall except that THIS might have been so boring you didn’t bother to notice – but we were all pretty crazed so likely you did – do recall – I am referring to those sessions when Vati and I would go on and on about global warming etc etc.

And so it was – back on Big Island I’d have one of my “Hemingway” moments – like tearing the door off the truck – Shannon will remember that – and kv would run to Waterloof asking permission to leave me. Vati would send her back. Shades of “The prisoner”.

It was only a few years ago that I realized I was the Anvil to Vati’s Hammer. Mutti’s 1st choice for a husband was her 2nd cousin Otto (do you remember Bettina). Otto was one of the few to survive three years as a serving officer on a U-Boat. Everything you saw in the movie he lived and survived. Vati had refused to take in Bettina (you can’t blame him given the history if you freak over recipe infractions). After the war Otto had issues Vati didn’t. Otto lives in harms way. Vati doesn’t. Mutti chose the lucky boat but the man she loved was the 6’3″ sailor not the pacific would not harm a fly guy. I loved them all. Still do. Otto returned my favour regards Bettina by looking after Sara when she was a model in Europe. I think this should be enough to help you feel way better about yourself. “It’s all good.”

Me – if you can remember – I got exactly what I deserved. Remember me calling Mutti a Mischling. Probably not but you must be able to well REMEMBER. And oh yeah -
5’11″ was the minimum height for admission to the Waffen SS. Like the child of a divorce I only understood this stuff years later. By the time you met “us” = Vati and I were fond of each other = but that does not change the fact that I’m an Otto not a Vati. Remember I was RCN. I gronked with Otto in an instant (we went to the Auto Races across the Bay and he flew back to Germany). He trusted me with Bettina as later I did him with Sara.

If you understand what I have written you’ll feel way better about yourself and if you don’t that’s okay too.
Either way ….

“Forget about it!”

I have never forgotten the 1st time we met albeit a long time ago.

You nested up in the jungle jim bars – made a great a postive impression on me I will never forget and enjoy – I just did – that was a long time ago – lots of images flash by – some at Castlehom and a bunch are you at Waterloof – funny how I remember you so near now as you appear then – as Shannon (above) you’ve been near to ageless – the deeper Dorian Gray Existential BS notwithstanding – but wasn’t this OVERKILL – here I note near eof you wrote

“I just felt like justifying what could probably be seen as petty behavior on my behalf about having my recipe used with no credit.”

IMHO if there is a next time better to say
“You stole my recipe bitch.”

Not that I am trying to one up you, but yes it DOES hurt. No matter where you are, how it happened. On. So. Many. Levels. I wish I had said something more to the other person involved, or anyone really and for some reason I never did until several months after the fact(we had a falling out). The most beautiful think I ever heard come from that mans lips: “I wish you would have told me sooner, I would have cried with you, had you let me be there.”

Your raw honesty isn’t lost on me, I hope that it helps you to heal, even if it’s just a little bit <3

But who’s complaining? ;)

I’m getting older too, that makes moving on easier and more important. And I took a lesson from my mother when her and my dad split up-she worked her ass off to remain friends with him, she knew it would be best, not just for the immediate family, but for…everything. For forever. You know?

It’s easy for someone on the outside of a relationship to make judgment about it. I’ve only had this one serious relationship and before I was in it, I was super judgmental about other people’s significant others. If I thought a guy was slimy I had no problem pointing it out. It took me a long time to learn that there is no possible way to get an accurate picture of someone else’s relationship. No matter what has happened throughout the course of it, no matter what someone has said about someone else, you never have all the information and you’re almost certain to get a distorted picture of badness because that’s what people talk about.

I don’t think everyone quite has a grasp on this fact and instead views other people’s partners in this weird, cartoonishly evil way, like, “Oh, he never does the dishes? He treats you like dirt!” The only thing that’s strange to me about your judgmental friend is that she is a mother and therefore old enough and experienced enough to have a grasp on the reality of relationships. I understand that when people do this sort of thing it’s out of a strange defensive loyalty to a friend, but ultimately I think it’s better to assume that your friend knows what she’s doing as far as who she chooses to be with.

I wish I’d handled things differently, of course. But being forced to chose between her and him? That’s so unfair, for everyone.

And I don’t know if it was the death of a real baby. It felt more like the death of an entire future. Like you say, it’s different for everyone. I did have a very nice nurse at the hospital that was very kind and listened and let me cry and cry and hog all her time. Josie, I know you don’t read this, but thanks, a million times thanks.